Over the coming months I will attempt to use Yoga wisdom to guide me through some of the stickier situations that come with working in a big company with lots of different people and lots of different agendas.
At first it was easy, I was just getting my feet wet, meeting my colleagues and bringing new ideas to the table. I was mindful and listened and began to learn. I realized that the moment had been right to return to the workplace and I went to work each day with a commitment to be in each moment and to bring the best of myself to the job, and to be a light in the organization. I also let go of expectations of how the job should make me feel, and I let go of specific outcomes to be open to more collaboration to see where we could go. I decided that I was enough and to not second-guess my ideas, wondering if others would accept them and me. They are just my ideas, but they deserve to be heard. I also found myself allowing the process to occur rather than trying to control things.
Some of this sounds counter-intuitive, I know. Going in to work with no expectation may sound as if I had no goals—but that is not the way it's been. I simply set my intention and goals with a lighter hand. Also, the idea of not controlling things may sound as if I was not leading or developing anything, and, if I wasn’t doing that, then how was I going to be effective? That also is not the way it's been—I have found that one can lead without controlling, and I am trying to do just that.
But of course, with more projects things have gotten a little more complicated. I've continued to do my best, but self-doubt and judgment quickly set in. And the worry about what others thought of me, and whether I was enough. I am aware of this and accepting that this is happening right now, but I am also working to get back to myself and let go of the insecurity that comes from feeling judged by others' standards. I am in a new role and am charting the course, so my next blog will be about the communication challenges that come with that.
As I become more comfortable in my role, and as I am expected to produce more and more as my tenure lengthens, I am continually tested. While I tell myself I will trust my instincts, I question them. When I let go of control and allow solutions to evolve, I feel anxious. I am sometimes concerned about what others think of me, as it impacts what I am able to accomplish. But I will return, again and again to the principles of Yoga—being in the moment, doing right action and letting go of the results, ahimsa, asteya and santosha, and I will continue to breathe.
Lisa Feder is a Yoga Instructor, Personal Trainer and Corporate Wellness Consultant. Read more